Years ago, I can to Vancouver to Attend VFS, which is a well known Film School with a reputation that feels completely unknown to me. It’s unknown to me, because there was so much about it that clashed with my personality and ultimately destroyed the concept of fun/work in my mind and I eventually because a hermit for a good 2 or so years. maybe making one or two connections. What they don’t tell you about the acting department, is that you’re pretty much on your own when it comes to your future, you’re ‘career’. So making connections with anyone and everyone is of utmost importance.
This was bad, as much as I probably am a collaborator I’m also heavily introverted, and the most you could ever get out of me being social, is over things like this blog or getting me inebriated. (In which I’m an incredibly responsible adult that really needs to pee.) But this is getting to be besides the point.
I have made ties with other actors that where probably poor decisions. Two years ago. I helped a person make a short film. Absolutely smart, business savvy… someone I have so much respect for. Keep in mind this was during a time where I was absolutely depressed out of my mind and had an argument with her which was totally unnecessary. To this day I don’t even know why I had it. But it happened and I regret it. For some reason I can’t bring myself to manning up to her and apologizing because even I make myself sick thinking about it.
Since then I’ve been trying to bounce back with a Ghost Chair project that will never be fully realized because the actor I want in on the project will probably never work with me, because he’s such a close friend to her. (at least that’s how it feels. They so a lot of work together, and I can’t even get a coffee out of the guy.)
But then what else to I have? a slacker of a friend, Who seems absolutely enthusiastic about making films but only if the idea is 100% his. Which resulted in a bit of frustration for me right now. He wants to get people together to work on films, but doesn’t actually have the motivation. Being disgusted in a conversation via text, he’s apparently busy with something else. A dinner theatre Murder Mystery, which there’s absolutely nothing wrong with. But it sucks for me to have him sit there and tell me he’s busy when all I ever see him do is, play games on his computer. But I always take this with a grain of salt and try my best to give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure he’s good to work with, I just have to be able to see it sometime.
EMPHASIS ON SIGHING.
I suppose things aren’t a total loss, the past year I’ve met a guy who’s a good editor and and enthusiastic film maker, and we’ve been sitting on a tv pilot for over a year now, which hardly any time to ever work on it. I hope to present him with an idea actually, when we can get it into fruition. A recent trip to the ICBC has inspired a short of sorts that deals with the waiting area and how it feels like the in-between of the astral plain.
To segue, that’s where I feel like I always am, in a state of Limbo. There’s a gig of where I’m an extra for 9 days which was supposed to be Wednesday but has since been moved to a mysterious date. But it’ll be money making on the side that I’m going to need if I want to get anywhere in life.
These are hardships. Stressful times.