It doesn’t get better. (editoral? essay? ranty rant?)

Let me start off by saying, I’m sorry. I’m not really all that relatable to homosexuality in any way. So some may feel that my words are probably meaningless to them, and y’know you’re probably right. With the recent string of gay suicides, followed by the string of youtube sympathy, I feel a bit ranty and probably out of place… or un-called-for, or jerkish and mean. [Really, I’m just in a ranty mood]

But I also like to think that what I’m going to say has some merit.

“It doesn’t get better.”

Not like this anyway. Life is what you make of it. ‘The It gets Better Project’ is probably a good cause in it’s own right, People of the LGBT community (maybe even straight people.. I dunno.) getting together and posting videos on youtube, giving you an internet hug and telling you I’m (LGBT) too and look at me! It gets better!. And yeah, it did for them. A lot of the of problem with these kids is that they’re being bullied (to my knowledge) and being bullied has lead them to suicide. Which is terrible. It sucks! I’ve been bullied my entire life, and I probably still am to this day. I’ve gone through every day; picked on, slapped around, beat up, threatened, insulted and other words that sound the same but are spelt differently. I’ve grown up, knowing that hard work is the only answer and that I’m entirely useless in every aspect, except being an artist is the only thing I strive for. I have very little friends because I push most people away and Never knew what real emotion was until a couple of years ago, and flat out [_______________________________________].

But I’m still here.

A lot of minorities, or people just being segregated got through life being who they were. They took every day in stide. Woke up, felt the pain, went to sleep, started over again. Maybe it is harder for any young LGBT to go through life openly, but you stand your fucking ground. You’re not alone (meaning, you’re not the only community that’s ever gone through with something like this.)

Don’t come to the internet for help. If you don’t even have anyone you can go to for help of any kind, you stand your ground. Even if it’s hard and you know you can’t continue. I had to say this really, but you stand your ground. It doesn’t get better. For a lot of people not just LGBT. Bulling happens. It’s just part of life. It’s worse now in this day and age with something like the internet. The line is completely blurred! Anything and everything can be taken out of context! People are more sympathetic, people are more assholes. Nobody has a spine. I’m not gay, But I’ve always been called a faggot and treated as if I was. (I know that’s a really bupkis thing to say if you think about it. “Oh! He’s just saying that so he can sound more relate-able to everyone.” But come on… really?) I am a weak willed human being with a big mouth. A lot of the mistakes I’ve made in my life, I’ve done to myself, but I’ve stood up, and I’ve fucking dealt with it. I’ve had plenty of people I could turn to, but I never would because I’m always afraid. But here I am, still alive and kicking. Writing a dumb-ass blog waiting to get any kind of stable work as an actor because that’s the only thing I’m doing with my life. I hard thing to talk about, and believe me I’ve been mulling over this blog for a couple of weeks now. But and much as you have that sympathetic side that can help you out and make you feel better. You also need to be told to Man up. Sympathy can’t get you all the way through life. So if you have one guy being an asshole with the same message, it can be just as helpful as everyone else.

For me, it doesn’t get better, at least not now. But that’s the muffled incoherent point I’m trying to make, life is hard. It’s always going to be hard. If you want to be strong, then please, you have it in you to be strong.

But you can’t million man march in front of your computer.

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