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There always seems to be something pushing me towards you wether I like it or not. But what the hell am I supposed to do about it.

I mean, you’re great. you’re wonderful. amazingly talented. When you left, you took the largest chunk of me with you, and I don’t know how to get it back. Because it’s attached to you… and it always will be.

I wish you would never forget who you are. you may think that you’re friends are drifting away from you but it’s been the opposite. I know guys like joe. I know he’s bad for you, and he’s done a good enough job fucking around with both of us I guess.

People make mistakes so they can learn lessons. I’ve made plenty and wondered if I’ve ever learned from any of them. The only thing I’ve learned is with you is where I want to be. Sometimes I’d like to think there are other answers/people. But the more I grow and the more things I do, the only one I want to share it with is you.

I should never have to feel afraid to tell you how great you are. And I should never have to be afraid to be honest with you,and that is the only thing I’m ever guilty of. What joe seems to be doing is a hell of a lot worse, and means he has not respect for you.

like these

It’s funny how much of a distraction you ended up being for these plus years of time, and I wonder if you actually understood that. I mean, I’ve told you plenty of times to stop, but you never did. Over time, it became such a worrisome burden for me, and I honestly wonder if you figured that out.

But I suppose with the amount of fucking around Joe did, I wouldn’t be surprised if you have/had no idea. he’s never someone to trust based on what I know.

But within this ‘freedom’ per se, I’ve been able to write a book. (or currently am writing) The first draft is near completion and I’ve had such a great momentum with it, that I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d finish it within the coming months.

I’d like you to read it and tell me what you think. Your input is always wonderful.

I get a lot more done, when you’re not judging everything that doesn’t happen.

I still miss you of course, and I’m keeping my promise. because you deserve it.

sleepless

I managed to get in one hour of sleep today, which is amazing when it’s followed by 6 hours of a broadcasting class.

wheelWhen it was done, I went home to eat, and went to the Surrey Central Station afterwards for fun. There was a tree lighting ceremony. Loads of people all over the place and a stageforall the fun. I took a picture of the ferris wheel for some reason, because why not? haha..

I didn’t really get to stay too long, but I was entrance for some reason that a fellow that looked an awful lot like Michael Bublé, save for his baby-ish face, singing a variety of Bublé’s songs.

it was pretty entertaining.

Soon afterward, it was time to go back to work.

I hope I actually get some sleep tonight though, the week ahead will be a busy one.

congrats

I caught wind of this on the way home reading up on it on the CBC website from my feed. Congratulations on Journey with no maps winning a GGLA.

Seriously, that is amazing.

Let’s just put my nonsensical frustration to the side, because come on. I know, near the end of the book you were getting frustrated and your enthusiasm to do it was dwindling. But Bron, that’s an amazing acknowledgement. 

You helped make that book happen. That’s something worth being excited about. I don’t know if my encouragement meant very little to you during that time, but I’m just as excited for you now, as I was back then. When we first met, and you were telling me about this stuff I was hooked, I love you for it. It’s one of the many things yes, but it’s such a cool thing.

I’m smiling because that’s great! I don’t know, I can’t help but be excited for you. I remember going to the panel at writer’s fest last year because I wanted to hear about all the work that you helped put together. It was cool, fun, insightful.

The whole thing is cool. I don’t care if you hate what I say or not, but hun, You’re amazing. I can only hope that this inspires you. and if it does, there’s no way you can ever tell me that we don’t want the same things out of life.

Go and write something, have a glass of wine to celebrate. Be ridiculously happy. 

Just be grumpy about whatever else there is later.

I love what you do, and what you’ve done, and I don’t see why anyone shouldn’t. I’m in awe, and you’re great.

Origin story #bookillneverwrite

When Gaiman came to town for his book tour not too long ago, it was relatively exciting. A writer that I was always fond of thanks to the Sandman series. Unforttunately, I jumped the gun on this job that I’ve been trying to get, going to it a day early, and missing the meet entirely. But the roommate went and got a signed copy of the book, so in a sense it’s just as awesome.

Hearing him on Q, and the story behind the book is pretty inspiring. I started writing The book I’ll never write because Bron is such a heavy inspiration behind it. She makes me feel great about my talents, and if I write for myself, and her then I’d be more than happy to know that’s all I need.

Even now she’ll always just be an inspiration. So I’m going to keep writing, even if the stuff that shouldn’t get to me does. This is a book I want her to read. I mean hell, I even wrote a chapter just for her.

But, as I get a lot of the big important chapters out of the way. I’ll soon gear up on the next draft of everything. elaborate on the things I know are missing.

It’s a fun process…

Continue reading

tragedy is terrible, but the people can still be embraced.

I kind of wonder if it’s in poor taste that I want to write something on a blog that takes soapboxing about ones personal life for granted. I’ve already filled up with such a mixed assortment of emotions that the weekend had allowed, but I guess it feels appropriate to talk about some things when they happen.

I first caught wind of it, walking out of Langara taking a test to further my acceptance, ticking off one more notch the the future I know I am capable of. When I first read about it, I stayed on my twitter feed, draining about 67% of it’s battery life. The irony hurt my chest as I witnessed the loss, of one of the very few people I respect, in the field that I could have possibly been taking the test for.

It sucks because he was amazingly talented, and far too young to be taken away. But in some of the last moments of his life, he was the happiest person that anyone could ever be. He was himself, he was in his element. Sure it’s a tragedy when someone who is such a tremendous inspiration to many passes, but he was an incredibly happy soul and that’s what everyone will remember.

It’s stuff like that which I can’t help but think that life is too short to be bitter about, and if you are really confident and set on your path then you go out and do it. I love, I aspire for that, I control what I can for myself, and I always encourage others to meet me half way.

I would prefer to cut this short before I start making it about me, but he was a man that can inspire anyone to be themselves. That’s something that is a little harder for me to accomplish. I’ve only ever been myself when I’m surrounded by the people I love. That’s just how I function. On my own, I worry too much and I work too hard to get back to everything that makes me happy in the first place.

But I know if anything, that the day has taught me to keep being in pursuit of whatever it is that makes you the happiest in life. It’s the stuff that I’ve been complaining about forever. But I pursue it, because I know it’ll stop being the stuff I complain about, and once again be the stuff that helps me be myself, and hopefully be just as much of an inspiration as this man was before me.